


You're Not Alone

by NobodyOfficial



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), Pacific Rim Uprising - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Confessions, M/M, crippling terror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 16:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14085327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NobodyOfficial/pseuds/NobodyOfficial
Summary: WARNING: MAJOR UPRISING SPOILERS IN BOTH THE FIC AND SUMMARYHermann knows that somewhere inside that thing is the man he fell in love with; he's determined to find him.





	You're Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Literally JUST finished watching the film and I had to write this. I know a lot of people didn't like it but I thought it was pretty good and Hermann was incredible.

Hermann found himself wishing it had been harder to swipe a keycard. It had been his plan to steal one to gain access to the room but until now, turning the keycard over in his hands, it had always been a hypothetical. Now he had to decide if he actually wanted to see what was behind that door.

It was months since the last kaiju had been defeated and Hermann regretted postponing his visit as long as he had. That was three more months of deterioration. Three more months of losing himself; of forgetting Hermann. His hand shook as he scanned the keycard. He daren't leave it any longer.

The door hissed open, revealing a barren, low-lit room. All the shadows seemed to merge into one, forming a dense miasma that hung in the air. Hermann squinted into it, yet at the same time prayed it would obscure the room from view. One shadow, dark and solid, stood out from the rest. After taking a breath to steel himself, Hermann approached it.

His throat clenched and his eyes filled with tears.

It certainly still looked like Newt. It had had the audacity to keep his soft eyes and lopsided grin and the proud way he held himself. But in other ways it was nothing like Newt at all. His usually vibrant hair was lank and lacking any volume, falling in strings over its forehead. Already he had lost all traces of gentleness from his figure, plump cheeks and soft thighs gone, leaving it with a hollow face and sharp ribs. Long discarded were the skinny jeans, tight shirts, and leather jackets; it had replaced them with disgustingly patterned suits Newt wouldn't have been seen dead in. Hermann should've known Newt never would've worn something so authoritarian.

Although the knew it was stupid and futile Hermann blamed himself entirely for what had happened to Newt. They were best friends, they'd drifted together for God's sake, he should've known what was rampaging through Newt's head. He'd tried to think of a million reasons why Newt, that part of its brain that had once been Newt, wouldn't have told him he'd been breached by precursors but in the end could only come up with one: fear.

Until their reunion (supposed reunion) a few months ago Hermann had swallowed his own fears down in front of the ever-bold Newton Geiszler, but evidently that had been a mistake. Maybe if Newt had known he was hurting too he would've reached out. Maybe Hermann could've helped him, saved him even. Maybe-

The chair groaned as that thing raised Newt's head. It grinned his lopsided grin, but something was off about it. It no longer filled Hermann's stomach with butterflies but with dread.

"Human." Its voice was an echoing growl, nothing like Newt's high, ecstatic tones. "The loved one. The lover. You couldn't even let him die to save your pathetic race."

Hermann didn't want to respond to it. It wasn't Newt. He wanted Newt. "Now listen here, you despicable parasite," he snapped. "I would very much like my friend and if you're not going to give him to me I'll have you know I'm very handy with a cane." He brandished it, as if he could ever do anything to hurt Newt.

"Your friend is gone," it rumbled. "There is only us now. We will destroy all of you like we have destroyed him."

"That-that's where I don't believe you," Hermann said uncertainly. He actually had no idea if there was anything of Newt left in this creature. It would take time and experiments but Hermann had to know. "I know Newton, Newt, is still in there. And I know he's fighting. If I know one thing about Newt it's that he's always fighting."

"Puny human." The thing laughed and for just a moment it sounded so much like Newt that Hermann's heart leapt. "He didn't fight. He gave in. He was afraid. He was alone."

"No." Hermann's voice was firm, cutting through the shadows. "No, he was never alone. Never had to be, anyway. That's the thing about us humans, we tend to get quite attached to each other. And when we do, none of us are ever alone."

The tendrils of a tattoos caught Hermann's eye, where its hands were bound behind the chair, and Hermann had the sudden urge to touch it. It didn't look like Newt or sound like Newt but his tattoos remained unchanged. Hermann allowed his fingers to breeze over its wrist. It let out a very human gasp, followed by a monstrous growl. A spark of hope ignited inside Hermann.

He started for the door, fully intending to begin experiments immediately, then paused. Could he really walk away again leaving everything unsaid? Even if there was barely a scrap of Newt left in that thing he deserved an explanation.

"Newt-" The thing sighed, "I have been meaning to say something to you for years, but through nothing but my own fear and stupidity decided not to. It took me having to live without you to realise that I can't. Well, I can, but I wouldn't call it life, really. I need you. The real Newton Geiszler, not this thing that's taken over you. I love you, and I only wish I'd had the courage to tell you while you were still conscious of my words." Hermann had loved Newt, the silly, argumentative, brilliant rockstar, from the moment they'd met, but love was rare to him and he hadn't understood it at first. Now he understood perfectly, but was lacking in the person he wanted to confess his feelings to.

Hermann stared into the darkness. If he squinted hard enough that thing almost looked like Newt. Almost... He leaned in and kissed him. It was soft, chaste, and void of all emotion besides sadness. Not the fireworks Hermann had expected from their first kiss.

Suddenly Newt was tugging against his restraints, eyes filled with fear and confusion. "Hermann," he gasped. Tears flooded from his eyes. "Hermann what's happening? Hermann? Hermann, I'm so scared!"

"Newt?" Hermann stroked his face, pushed his hair from his forehead, basked in the energetic presence of his friend. "It's ok," he murmured. "It's ok, I'm going to fix you."

"Hermann- Argh!" Newt roared in pain, eyes rolling back in his head. When it spoke again all traces of Newt were gone. "I'll erase him," it growled. "Every part of that man will be forced from this brain until there's only us. There will only ever be us. Only ever has been us. Only-" Hermann slammed the door shut.

Shoulders heaving and mind desperately trying to block out the events of the last five minutes Hermann planned to head straight to the lab, but before he'd even taken a step he caught sight of Jake. "Do I look I care if you punish me?" He snapped.

"I'm not here to do that," Jake said softly. "I heard... More than you would've wanted me to. We're trying our best-"

"You're not though, are you?" Hermann knew he sounded desperate, but desperation could do that to a man. "You're keeping him locked up and it's just feeding the creature, it lives off his fear and his pain. You promised you'd try to make him better."

"And we are," Jake promised. "We are. But saving the man everyone thinks is a psychopath isn't our top priority right now. We're still healing from the attacks."

"Not to be insensitive, Ranger Pentecost, but you have lost some very important people to you in your lifetime. Therefore you know that between witnessing the atrocity and seeing the dead body there is a brief moment filled with intense hope and intense fear - fear of the worst. Until Newton is better, or God forbid until I know he never can be, I will be constantly trapped in that moment, unsure of whether to be elated or despairing. Please Ranger, take pity on a man who finds love hard to come by."

Jake sighed heavily. "You've been an immense help during both kaiju attacks. All I can do right now is grant you some equipment and research time."

"Then I shall use it wisely." He smiled tiredly, out of gratitude rather than anything else. "Thank you."

Jake walked away without reclaiming the keycard. In the emptiness of the dim corridor Hermann pressed his hand against the door. He could almost pretend Newt was on the other side. "You are not alone, Newton Geiszler."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can come yell at me on tumblr at itsalwayssunnyontelevision if you like, it's a bit PR related and I have SO MANY FEELS RIGHT NOW!!!


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